When your sibling always smells your money

My sister is getting bankrupt, she lost her money because she has a lot of debt every where.

Every time she needs money she will come to me..asking for money, like I were her moving bank. When I said, sorry I could not give you money, she will say "are you sure you do not have that amount?"

My sister.. I love her, but they way she treated me for money, I just hate it.. she still has an installment for 2 years to pay her debt to me.. but how dare she is asking for more money..

I am still single and I still save my money for my marriage someday, to buy my own house and every thing.. but she might think and since I am single, my saving is just useless if I am only put it on my bank account..

When I told my mother, she feels pity both for me and my sister, I also feel bad to my mom.. she said that she is very sad when she heard that my sister is so miserable, but also sad when hearing that my sister always hunts my money..

Sister, can we just a good sister without touching everyone's money? Every time I buy something new, and you see it I feel very guilty.. I even think twice if I want to use a new thing in front of you..

Sister, can you please work harder, our parents was struggling to send us to university, even your tuition was much higher than me.. but now.. just live well with your life, me and mother even never ask money from you.. so do not ask money from us either.. father only left us with one house and education.. nothing else..

Sister.. I love you but you are getting insane right now!!

I am not a Good Daughter

On March 2016 my father passed away..

He was 74 y.o.. already very old.. but still I am not ready to face the fact that my father is leaving me forever..

Since I was a child, my father really cared and loved me so much.. but he has a very bad habit, he used to smoking inside the house. 

I often get cough because of him.. and I was very upset to him.. he never listened to me even I already begging to him to stop smoking inside the house, I did not ask him to stop smoking, just please not do it at home...

But I did not realize that there was something wrong on my father brain.

Suddenly the way he walked was changing, he walked like a robot. He could not walk fast as he did before. Because of that he could not go to toilet very fast, and he pee in a room not toilet.. my mom would clean the floor because of him around 6 or more times a day..

that condition made us very tired. I bought a pee spot for him, but he refused to use it.. I got very angry.. I always angry to the man who loves me so much.. I do not know why I treated my father that bad..

Then one day, me and mother took him to doctor, doctor said that we need to bring him to bog hospital to get Ci-ti scan. But the free hospital is very far from our home, if we use private hospital the fee will be very expensive.. I have money in my saving but I did not use it... how bad I am as a child...

A month later, my father collapse.. he fell.. when we finally took him to hospital, it was too late.. his blood vessel on the brain burst.. doctor do some surgery but after the surgery done, my father never wake up and a week later he died..

I still feel very guilty until now.. as a muslim I should believe that our age has been decided by God. We cannot control our death.. every one will die, with different situation..

Papa.. when you were still wake up but on the critical situation, I could not say I am sorry because I was too shame to say that.. I thought that I was not deserve for your forgiveness..

Papa.. I love you really love you a lot...

I still cry when I think about you, as well as Mama.. I could not cry at home, because Mama will get hurt if she see my cry..

Papa.. I am not a good daughter... so sorry Papa..

Welcome to Share Sadness

Hi Happy People,

My name is Trifi (this is not my real name actually)

The reason I make this blog because right now I am very sad, and I just cannot share my sadness to anyone near me. But I just want to share..

As a muslim, I can share everything to my God. Allah SWT.

The thing is, when you share something to other people, they can also learn something from your stories. They can do the same copying strategy that you use to solve a problem.

Sorry my English is not very good, since English is not my mother tongue. But I still want to write in English because it is International language. I hope many people can read my blog and also share their sadness. Just share it can make you feel better.

Somehow I think I need to go to a psychiatrist to get some rehabilitation. I feel depressed right now, but in my country, not many psychiatrist out there so the price will be very expensive if you go to psychiatrist and people will think that I have a heavy mental illness if I go there, not many people go to see psychiatrist although they really need them. People will assume they are crazy.

If you read my stories, you may think that my life is just simple and easy, but I tell you that every person has different capacity and experience so just do not judge everything so easily...

Best Regards,
Trifi